Contunued From Here

 

Saturday, September 17, 2005 3:43 PM

Justin is out of surgery and back in his room.  Initial pathology findings believe it may be the CMV Virus we had explained months ago.  It is the 2nd leading cause of fatality to these immunosuppressed bone marrow patients.  The first one is Graft vs. Host.

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Justin has been checked for this virus weekly.  It has not shown itself.  Of course, this is only a preliminary diagnosis.  We will have a more accurate one, probably by Monday or Tuesday.  The doctor said Justin's lungs are quite diseased.  I specifically asked if lungs in his condition can turn around and he said yes!  We will have to wait and see how Justin's body responds to treatment. 
 
He has already been on a drug to deal with this and has still gotten progressively worse.  All we can do is wait. 
 
"Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord, will renew their strength, They will soar on wings like eagles, they will walk and not be faint."  Isaiah 40: 29-31  Those are the words our Lord left us for times like these....we are trusting in every one of them. 
 
Right before that in verse 28 it says that "the Lord Himself will not grow tired or weary and His understanding no one can fathom."  He never tires of hearing our concerns....even if they are the same old concerns that we bring to Him day after day....
 
Isaiah 41: 13  "For I am the Lord, your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear, I will help you.  Do not be afraid," He asks us to not fear...He knows how fragile the human spirit can be in traumatic times.  He never tires of holding Justin or us or you.  
 
He says in Isaiah 40: 11 that "He carries us close to his heart and gently leads us. 
 
These are times when the Lord picks up the slack for us and bears the burden.  He actually picks us up and carries us.  Like the footprints in the sand poem....
 
 Right before that in verses 4-5 the Lord promises us that "Every valley shall be raised up, every mountain and hill made low; the rough ground shall become level, the rugged places a plain, And the glory of the Lord will be revealed, and all mankind together will see it.  For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.
 
This is one of the most tremendous promises God could have given all of us.  He doesn't say maybe this will happen, He says "it shall be." We are not sure where we are... in a valley, on a mountain or hill, a rough ground or a rugged place.  It is just comforting to know that God knows and he is all over it to bring about resolve.
 
So you can see we are drawing great comfort from your prayers and from the Word of God. 
 
It is one of the most painful things to see your child on a ventilator.  They are having to tie him down to prevent him from pulling it out.  Again, nothing a parent wants to envision but a necessary step to bring about his healing.  When a patient is on the ventilator they have to wrap your legs as well and place them on a machine to keep the blood in the lower extremities flowing.  This will prevent blood clotting.  This is all new to Mike and I and it is a very traumatic experience.
 
Thank you to each of you ....for standing with us, for covering our backs. and for not being afraid.  Let's throw our faith out there really far...and believe God to do the impossible in Justin and in His church.  We are His church and through us He can accomplish many miracles....especially when we stand together and believe.
 
Much love,
 
Barb

 

Saturday, September 17, 2005 9:54 AM


Justin had a rough night. He is now in ICU on a BiPap breathing machine. He is requiring so much oxygen that he will be put on a ventilator around noon.

We have seen many specialists this morning. One of them is Jay Standerfer who is a lung surgeon. He will be doing an open lung biopsy on Justin at noon. They remain hopeful that this will identify the root cause of Justin's pneumonia and they will be able to treat it more aggressively. This will require Justin to remain on the life support for a few days. They will make him as comfortable as possible.

To the students at Valley Christian....thank you for your kind letters of affirmation to Justin. We want you to know that he read them this morning and drew much strength knowing that you are all praying for him.

This is hard and scary for all of us. Please remember to pray for our daughter Carissa too.
She is 13 years old and this is her only sibling.

We continue to stand in our faith and to trust God even though the road ahead looks quite unstable. I am thankful that God has shown us through the years how to trust him anyway when emotions run rampant.

Father,

Justin is in Your care. We don't know what else to do. You have blessed us with such a great son. We ask You to let him stay with us and to be completely healed from this infirmity. We know You have our backs covered as You lead many to pray in our behalf during this time. We want to pray according to Your Will for Justin's life. Lead our prayers in that direction......We pray for Dr. Standerfer. Lord, direct his hands during surgery. Allow him success and please Lord give the doctors wisdom today on what is ailing Justin.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Friday, September 16, 2005 7:12 PM
Justin's condition has gotten worse not better. His need for oxygen has increased to 15 liters. We saw an infectious disease specialist tonight to try and figure this out. They are also prepping Justin for surgery in the morning. They are preparing to have the open lung biopsy done in the morning if things do not turn around over night. They are also preparing to move him into ICU.

The doctor has ordered a high dose of steriods and a new medication. If they see a substantial improvement over night, he will not have to have the surgery. If not, we have waited long enough and we need to move on this.

James 1:5 says that "If any man lacks wisdom, he should ask God who gives generously to all....." We are lacking wisdom tonight. The doctors are in need of wisdom tonight. Important decisions must be made to save Justin's life.

Father,

We are in great need of Your Wisdom tonight. Justin's life is hanging in the balance and we need Your Intervention. I pray Lord that the steriods would kick in and do the job tonight. Lord, we are desperate......we don't know what else to do. We have our eyes on you....Help!!

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Thursday, September 15, 2005 1:43 PM
 I have heard it said that children are the part of the mother's heart that beats outside.

There are days that my heartbeats sting like Mary's must have as she watched Jesus suffer so. Like any mother, she felt a huge portion of the pain her son endured. God has created inside the heart of a mother an enormous ability to recognize danger and to guard her "cubs" against it. Try messing with a baby bear cub and see what the momma bear will do. We have all heard of mothers intuition. I believe that God gave mothers, of every species, this divine insight. Mothers have the ability to nurture their children and to make them feel loved and safe. But, with the flip side of that, they will also feel to a certain extent every blow and pain their children encounter in this lifetime. It doesn't even matter how old they become. The mothers heart will embrace that child forever. It is a God thing.

None of us want suffering to be a part of that process. But, for many it becomes that...usually not by choice. Jesus suffered. He said that we would identify with a portion of that suffering in our journey to become like Him. How long and how much is up to His Sovereign plan for each of us. I just heard on the news that Haley Knutson, the 9 year old girl, needing a liver transplant has passed away this morning. This child endured suffering for 7 years as she battled leukemia and three bone marrow transplants. Wow!! There is no answer to the "why" question as long as we are upon this earth. Perhaps when we are in heaven and Haley is running the place, we will know more. For now, please pray for her family as they sort through enormous emotions and prepare for her funeral.

I wanted to give you the latest update on Justin's condition.

The doctors are doing the best they can to determine the root cause of Justin's illness. Since they were not able to get a good sample from the lung biopsy, they are contemplating an open lung biopsy if they cannot determine this in the next few days. It is never a good idea to expose the lung to the air. Plus, it is very painful....I pray that Justin will not have to endure that.

The specialist has said Justin's lungs look worse today. He has pneumonia on both sides.

They also have a positive test culture with a bacterial infection in his blood. This is separate from the pneumonia. Sometimes these cultures can be contaminated so, until they have two positive cultures they are not certain of its accuracy.

Justin continues to remain strong. His fevers seem better. He is requiring 8 - 10 liters of oxygen to breathe. Any movement, even the slightest sitting up to go to the bathroom, causing his heartbeat to race to up to 250 beats per minutes. With his fevers down...he seems a bit better to me but, the doctors are still very concerned.

Lord,

Here it is Lord..... the status for today. I hurt terribly for Haley's family. Their suffering has been extended to outrageous lengths. Please Lord, love on Haley for all of us today as You welcome her to her beautiful home in heaven. I believe she is healthy and whole and in Your Presence even now. In Haley's honor, we continue to press on and believe You to heal Justin completely. Thank you for her life and the example she left for all of us to emulate. She brought together an entire community, even beyond that. She taught us to stand together and face whatever life throws at us....together. There is so much more power we have as Your Body when unity and a corporate strength prevail. So Father, let Your Church arise in these desperate times of pain and suffering all across our nation and the world. You have our attention Lord....help the people of America turn their eyes back to You with a reverent spirit.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Wednesday, September 14, 2005 12:56 PM
Justin has been diagnosed with pneumonia. Now we have to wait until the cultures grow out to determine which kind. He is being treated for the three big ones....fungal, bacterial, and viral. Until we hear back. He has a barrage of medication being pumped through his body to cover all the bases. He has developed an allergic reaction to one of them. This has appeared as an itchy rash on his skin. When they are confident as to the root, they will wean him off of the medications that are not necessary.

He made it through the night and that is a good thing. He did not get worse as they had anticipated. Prayer is working!!! More oxygen is necessary to keep him breathing. During this time, he is wearing an oxygen mask to help his lungs heal. We are thankful that a respirator was not needed.

Father,

Thank you for helping Justin breathe. Thank you for allowing this treatment plan to help him turn the corner. We continue to ask for Your divine intervention. Give the doctors and nurses tending to him, wisdom and compassion. We will continue to stand in the gap for him. How thankful we are for prayer. Prayer is a powerful tool that You have given us. No matter where or when....Your Comfort, comforts us when we are weak....You rejoice with us in strength....You delight in hearing our praises and petitions. We acknowledge Your Presence here with us......

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Tuesday, September 13, 2005 1:29 PM
Justin was admitted to the hospital last night with a fever and what appeared to be an infection of some sort in his respiratory area. There was initial tests ordered to try and narrow down the cause.

This morning those results showed lungs that are in serious condition. He is undergoing a battery of tests including a lung biopsy. We will have those results back later in the day.

You can pray for Justin's oxygenation and that his body will respond to treatment. We have to wait for the results to know how to treat him. Right now he is on antibiotics. All we know to do is trust in the Sovereign plan of the Lord for Justin's life.

Father,

There is no doubt that it is hard to walk through shaky times. Times where we don't know Your answer. Today is one of those days that all we can offer up to You...is our faith. We believe Lord in Your healing power. We believe in Your Sustaining Grace. So, we will wait......No matter how many tears roll down our cheeks, it will never change the fact that You are Lord and You hold each of our lives and our destinies in Your Hand. You have our complete trust.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Wednesday, August 24, 2005 8:23 PM
Justin's liver enzymes have decreased by 50%. Wow!!! This is the best news!! His numbers dropped from 544 to 264 and 100. Usually when the liver enzymes spike, it can take months for them to come back into the normal range. The doctor's experiment worked. It still doesn't really tell him what caused the increase though. It seems to me. that it might have been the green tea after all. Justin was consuming over 16 ounces a day. Either way, I hope that this experience will help others recovering from bone marrow transplants to hold off from drinking green tea until they are completely off their medication.

We are thrilled with Justin's transition back into school. He has more than enough stamina for all 8 periods, including a weightlifting class towards the end of the day. Like many of his classmates, Justin now has his drivers permit. He has been driving all week. He is actually very good. He is growing up but, these experiences mean more to us than the average parent because of the possibility that they were never going to happen.

Today was also unique in that we initiated a letter to our donor. After inquiring about how to go about doing this, I learned that she has already been receiving status reports about Justin. I am glad that she knows he is doing well. Perhaps she will have a desire to meet us some day. That would be so awesome. In case you forgot, all we know about our donor is that she is a 30 year old female. All she knows of Justin, is that she donated to a 14 year old male. We do not know where she lives or any other information. She does not know our names or where we live either.

I am attaching the letter that I sent to our bone marrow representative for approval. Our donor should get it soon. If she does respond, I will let you all know. Since we have shared so much of this experience together.....I wanted to include my prayer warriors in this process too.

Barb


To Our Donor,

We recently learned that we could initiate a letter to you before the one year anniversary protocol. We need to be discreet and not divulge too much personal information but, my heart is busting at the chance to say thank you.

How do you say "thank you" to someone who sacrificed to the extent that you did? I am awed and so humbled to have learned that a perfect donor match was found for our son. I've wondered what was going through your mind when the registry contacted you? What made you join in the first place? We held three large bone marrow drives in our hometown. Time was of the essence. Thanksgiving was more that just a time of gratitude as that is when we learned that you agreed to be our son's donor. Wow!!! You can't possible know what that did to our family. You gave us hope that maybe our son could live. All we were told is that you were a 30 year old female. My guess is you were told that you would be helping a 14 year old boy. Our son lit the purple candle of Hope at our church. This was aired on the news and in print of our local newspaper.

I prayed for you alot as you were enduring the neprogin shots. I ask God to ease the discomfort. In fact, we had an army praying for you. I prayed for your family too. Without hearing your side of this story it will only be half told. He received your cells on Dec. 16th 2004. What a day!! I held that bag of life in my hands and I wept. I asked for permission to pray over it and to thank the Lord for answering our desperate cries for help. Our son had two friends in the room at the time. They broke down too. Perhaps you have gone on with your life and their are days you forgot what you did. But, there is not a day that goes by over here that we don't remember. Your sacrifice gave me back the life of my first child. The journey was rough....but today he is doing excellently. He just got his drivers permit and started school again. He is a typical teenager for the most part. But, when he tells his story you can hear a pin drop.

His real birthday is in January. They tell me he will forever have two birthdays now. The natural one....and the rebirth one. I might have had something to do with the natural one......but you clearly are the one that made Dec. 16th a forever rebirthday for him. We bought him birthday balloons on that day and celebrated with such joy!!!!!!

Dec. 16th is not too much longer to wait. Our hope is that someday we can thank you in person. We would love for you to meet our son. We will completely respect your wishes in this matter.

We are open to receiving letters from you should you wish to do so. As far as we see it, you are an adopted member of our family. Who knows.....the chances of you being such a perfect match for him makes me wonder if somewhere in our ancestor there is a connection.

Thank you and we look forward to hearing from you.

With love,

The mother of your recipient

Tuesday, August 16, 2005 9:36 PM
Well today was awesome until I went to the hospital. I had my blood drawn after school and my liver enzymes are the highest they have ever been. They are at 544 and 191. I think my liver has just had enough medication. The doctor said we can try coming down on my anti-rejection meds for a week and see if that will help. He also gave me another pill to help calm my liver. I have to stop drinking one of my favorite drinks, The Green Machine. It is a really healthy drink but it has green tea in it. The doctor has had four other patients whose livers acted up like this and they were all drinking green tea too. So, for the next week we will experiment and pray that this works. I still feel really great!

This could still be serious like the Graft vs Host disease. The way I see it is, if I was going to die from cancer I would have years ago. God didn't bring me this far, just to leave me and let me die now. I will over come this.

I really feel in my heart that I will be used just like the prophet Ezekiel was. God told him twice to blow on a pile of dry dead bones. The first time he did it, they reformed into bodies but, there was no life in them. The second time he blew on them, breath entered them and they stood up on their feet as a strong army. If you don't know what I'm talking about just read chapter 37 of Ezekial and you will understand. My own body went through this experience. I was the valley of dry dead bones when my marrow couldn't create new cells properly. Before I was born, my mom told me that a visiting prophet to our church, Cindy Jacobs, blew on her and she became pregnant with me. Then, when I was really sick in ICU and very close to death, she happened to be in town again and came.....and guess what, she blew on me again. I feel like I am living this story out with my life. That second breath means a lot to me because of the power and life that came into these lifeless bodies. God has breathed new life in my body and I hope that God will use me to blow on others and watch him heal them too.

I'm so glad to be back at school!!!! Today was my second day and I'm just loving being with my friends. It has been a long time since I've seen them.

Again, just please pray that I will be off my meds before October and that my liver enzymes will come back down to normal. "These knuckles break before they bleed". Nothing can come against me now.
later -Justin-


Dear God,
Please help my liver enzymes to come down. Please give my doctor wisdom on how to come off of my meds. I would like to be off of them by October.
Amen

Wednesday, August 10, 2005 7:46 PM
YAY!!!!!! My liver enzymes have come down they are 397 and 157. What an answer to prayer!!!!!! Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

Time has gone by so fast I'm at about day +230 and I feel great. I went dirt biking again on Saturday for 3 hours. On the 15th I start school I'm so stoked

Please pray that my liver enzymes will continue to drop..
-Justin-

Dear God,
Thank you for bringing my liver enzymes down and please continue to bring them down....
Amen

Wednesday, August 03, 2005 5:47 PM
I had my blood drawn today. Unfortunately..... both of my liver enzyme counts have come back up. They are at 482 & 237. These are too high. My liver is working too hard. I am praying for my liver enzymes to come back down. Physically I feel that there is nothing wrong with them. I feel strong and I have gained 5 lbs over the last two weeks.

I am really looking forward to starting school on Aug. 15th and seeing all my friends. I even went riding on Saturday for 3 hours and felt great. The next day I wanted to do it again. I wasn't too sore like I've been in previous weeks.

So, I said all of that to say this.....I have to take these counts seriously but, I sure don't feel sick or weak or anything. They said if it is Graft vs Host in my liver that could be fatal. My liver could also be reacting to all the medication that I have been on. My vote is for the second one.
-Justin-

God,

Please help my liver enzymes to come down to the normal range. Let this be only medication related and not Graft vs Host. I am asking You to help me to be off all my medication before my one year anniversary on Dec. l6th.
Amen

Wednesday, July 27, 2005 3:43 PM
I had a blast last night. I spoke at a local church in Oceanside. The church is called New Song. I'm so glad I'm finally using this disease for God's glory

Finally... I just my counts back today. My counts have come down even more!!! They are checking two different liver enzymes. The one that was 400 on Thursday, has come down to 335. The other enzyme which was at 200 is now at 113.

Thank you so much for praying that my liver enzymes will come down. God really does answer prayer! Please continue to pray that they will keep coming down until they hit the normal range of 21-41.
-Justin-

Saturday, July 23, 2005 9:56 PM
Today was really cool! We had a change of plans. We chose not to go to Disneyland because of the heat. We went to Tijuana, Mexico with my friend Daria and my family. Here is a picture of Carissa, Daria, and I just after we crossed the border. It is different there. It made me appreciate what we have here in the United States. It took us one hour to re-enter the United States. That part felt wierd.

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Could you please pray for me as I'm coming down off my medication? I hope to come down smoothly with no trouble at all.
I will get my blood drawn on Tuesday again. Please pray that my liver enzymes will come back down to normal. The normal range is between 21 - 41. I was at 400 last Thursday.

Thank you so much for all of your prayers they mean a lot to me.
-Justin-

Thursday, July 21, 2005 3:04 PM
YAY!... My counts have come down from 498 to 400 and 298 to 200. I'm so happy! I can stay in Cali for as long as I want now!!! Looks like I'm going to Disneyland with my friends on Saturday. Thank you so much for your prayers, they mean so much to me. I still have to get my blood drawn on Tuesday, so please pray that my liver enzymes continue to come down.
-Justin-

Father God,
Thank you so much for healing me and bringing my liver enzymes down. Please continue to bring them down. Help me to grow stronger every day and to get off all my medication. Thank you so much!
In your name amen
-Justin-

Tuesday, July 19, 2005 8:59 PM
Well, just an update since I wrote last. I got my blood checked on Tuesday the 12th . My liver enzymes were up a little but the doctors let me go to California anyway.

On Monday, I got my blood drawn in California and my liver enzymes were up even more. My doctor took me off Prevacid and Bactrium (some of the meds. I'm on). to see if this would reduce it. I need to go on Thursday morning to get my blood drawn again. Please pray that my liver enzymes will come back down to normal. If they are still high, I may need to go back home to Arizona on Sunday.

I'm planning on going to Disneyland this Saturday with Carissa, Daria, and Joey.

It has been a month since I last rode my dirtbike. I am getting a little anxious to get back out there and ride. Please don't forget to pray for my health and that my strength would get better and increase everyday.

-Justin-


Father,
Right now I pray for my liver enzymes that they will come back down to normal and that my endurance will increase every single day. Please help me to be able and stay in cali so I can recover in cooler weather. Please use me to your will and please help me to tell people about my story so that they will know you some day.

In your name amen
-Justin-

 

Sunday, July 10, 2005 9:36 PM
I have an upcoming clinic appointment on Tuesday the 12th. I still have 25% more medication to come down off of. I hope to have most of it off before school starts in August. I have been feeling good.

I have been in California for the past three weeks. Last week, my family and I went to a Christian Family Camp Center called Forest Home. It is in the San Bernadino Mountains. About 15 miles East of Yucapai. It is alot of fun. Here is a picture from the camp of my friends and I. They are Shelby, Maddy, Colin, me, Tiffanie, Joey and Teagan.

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Father,

Thank you for bringing us home safely from California. Please help my doctor's appointment to go well on the 12th and that I would be able to come down on my medicine. Thank you for giving me such a fun week at Forest Home with great friends. Please help me to grow stronger every day.

In Jesus Name,

Justin

Wednesday, June 15, 2005 7:04 PM
Hi ....this is Justin. My family and I are on vacation in California. Yesterday, I took Carissa on the California Screamin Rollercoaster at California Adventures with me. It was her first time and she was nervous. She did good though and now I have someone to ride it with. Here are a couple of pictures of me that were taken today. My hair is finally growing back and I'm getting stronger everyday. I want to thank you for all your prayers. I am living proof that prayer does work!!!

Your Friend,

Justin

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Thursday, June 02, 2005 8:44 PM
It is hard to believe that 16 days have gone by since our last update. Justin is doing excellent! He continues to rebuild internally and externally. He has been going to the gym a couple of times a week in an effort to rebuild the 27 pounds of muscle he lost during the transplant. If all goes well, he will be brought down another step off his anti-rejection drug on Tuesday, which will leave him with only 25% more to go.

We had an opportunity to hear a heartwarming story from Bonnie Jones. Our children attend school together. Their family just recently moved here to Arizona from Montana. Back in 1999, Bonnie was called upon by the Bone Marrow Registry to be a possible donor for a 16 year old girl living in France. She ended up donating her marrow and went through great sacrifices to do so. First, she was flown to Utah for the procedure leaving her two small children. She endured the pain of recovery and did so all for the glory of the Lord. She so looked forward to meeting this young girl or at least talking with her however, a meeting never panned out. We are not sure the conditions of "why" as the bone marrow registry tells us that she left the hospital healthy.

As I listened to Bonnie tell her story and heard her heart, I couldn't help but think of our own donor. She too has a story. But here standing in front of me was a real person of flesh and blood not just some imagined person in my mind. Bonnie had a life that she was willing to halt for a time period....and did an unselfish act for a stranger she may never meet. That act may never be acknowledged by the recipient or the recipients family, but God saw her kindness and her bold step of faith. She is a beautiful person with a lovely family and I would like to pray for her that God would open up the portals of heaven and release upon her blessing upon blessing for her obedience to Him in following through with the donated marrow.

Father,

Thank you for Bonnie and for allowing me the opportunity to hear her heart and listen to what she endured. Someone went through that for Justin Lord. It stills stops by heart for her kind act and look forward to the day that I can thank her. However, Bonnie looked forward to the same opportunity which never panned out. So, Father I release our donor to You and ask that if it be according to Your will, a meeting in the future may be something that could consummate our story. If that never comes about I thank you for allowing me the privilege of hugging Bonnie's neck and thanking her, in stead for her recipient. I pray that as she looks at Justin she will feel a portion of the reward You have planned for her. You used her as an instrument to restore life to another human being. Wow!! We love You Lord....how excellent You are!!

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Tuesday, May 17, 2005 1:38 PM
Tomorrow Justin will continue the decline off of his anti-rejection medication. So far, so good!! His body is adjusting well to these incremental changes. At his last doctor visit, all of his blood counts were in the normal range. We have much to be thankful for.

He continues to ride his dirtbike every chance he gets. As each day passes, he is growing stronger and stronger. He has gone to school, for most of the day, for the past week. He was even able to attend the yearbook assembly and have his classmates sign his yearbook. Much to our surprise, there was a whole page dedicated to Justin. Thank you to Valley Christian High School for this gesture of love.

Justin would like to inscribe on his forearm a cross with the words, "In Loving Memory of Justin Cude." When he first told me that....it sounded a bit morbid. I asked him why he would want to do that when he was still alive. His answer confounded me. This was his response, "Mom, the Justin Cude you knew no longer exists. In fact, I'm not even your blood son anymore. I'm a brand new person inside." At first, my heart sank into my stomach but, then I realized that this was his story and it was powerful and far-reaching and would be his unique way of telling it. He said that his life is now all about Galations 2:20....listen to this, "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

We are in the month of May and we are allowed to contact our donor this December. Legally, we have to wait one year before we are allowed to request a meeting. We are waiting patiently but, our story is not finished until we have met her and hear her side of it all.


Father,

Justin is doing well and we thank you for that. You have come in response to our prayers and have displayed Your love in such a tangible way by restoring Justin's health. Your love confounds even the wisest among us. It is the kind of love that is not based on the conditions of whether WE are good enough to receive it. We could never be good enough.....It is not the kind of love that we can read about and then manufacture on our own. Your love is in the most purest sacrificial form that all we can do is be grateful for a God like You. Thank you Lord for displaying this kind of love to us...we are so humbled by Your provision.

Barb

Monday, May 02, 2005 6:34 PM
Justin was taken down another step off of his anti-rejection drug since we wrote last. We are 50% of the way there.....to be off of them completely. He doesn't go back for another two weeks.

Mike took him over to Barona Indian Reservation near El Cajon, CA to ride his dirt bike. They have a nice track there situated between pine trees with lots and lots of shade. He met up with some friends and enjoyed the weekend. Weather wise it will be better for Justin to ride in California over the summer, than to battle the temperatures that can soar as high as 120 degrees in Arizona. He still tuckered out easily...but he was able to do 4 laps or so. We are taking it slow and have the mentality that alittle is better than none at all.

He woke up on Sunday with a stomach bug and had nausea all day until about 8:00 pm He had to drive home like that....poor guy. Mike and I started to get concerned around 4:00 pm when it didn't seem to be letting up. We phoned the doctor and he instructed us to hold out until the morning and see what his body would do. Well, the doctor called it right....Justin woke up feeling much better and with an appetite. His immune system kicked in and did what it was designed to do. He healed himself. God has created our bodies to do that and it is a miracle each time. Most of us just take it for granted...

I wanted to wish all the mothers a Very Happy Mother's Day this weekend. Carissa and I will be going to a lovely Mother/Daughter brunch at our church on Saturday. On Sunday...I plan on holding both of my children in my arms and telling them how much I love them. There are no words to describe what I feel in my heart to have this opportunity.

Father,

As this weekend approaches, I am speechless. You have allowed my son to live and you have allowed me the privilege of celebrating my role as his mother. Wow!! You have moved heaven and earth for us and now the question in our hearts is "What can we do for You? Father, Use our pain and get as much mileage out of it as you want. We are serious Lord..."What can we do for You?"

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Saturday, April 23, 2005 8:03 PM
Justin accomplished something HUGE today!!! He went to the track and rode his bike. The entire family went to watch and cheer him on. His friend, Joey, and his family were there as well. It was awesome to see him doing what he loves. It takes a lot of energy to ride that bike and do the jumps, etc. His body fatigued long before his mind. He wanted to keep riding but, he still needs time to build up endurance and strength in his muscles. We were sooooo proud of him. Wow....I wished you all could have seen him.

Justin and Mike have been busy rebuilding a garden railway in our backyard. It has been a fun family project for about 7 years now. I have attached a picture of a garden railway that both of them went to see last night. It is a train lovers paradise.

As we all know nutrition plays a major role in our maintaining health at any age. Justin is taking serious steps to eating properly....lots of veggies and fruits and meats full of protein. He has been inhaling salmon lately. His body is screaming for these nutrients to complete the healing process. He is doing a great job at listening to his body and making wise choices when those hunger pangs strike. Sometimes his appetite decreases and other times, like today, after riding....he was famished!

He goes back to the clinic on Tuesday and we hope that he will be able to take another step down from the anti-rejection drug. We will let you know.

In so many ways...he is like a brand new baby. Every cell is new.....today he noticed that although he was hot at the track.....his body was not sweating. We will ask the doctor about that....but infants don't sweat either. It takes time for them to grow and mature in many ways and the sweat glands just open up when they are ready. It truly is amazing to observe all of these new life beginnings.

Father,

Thank you for today and for holding back the rain so that Justin could enjoy the track. He had anticipated it all week and relished the opportunity to ride again. Wow!! I bet You had a smile on Your face too as You watched him. Thank you for protecting him from injury. Lord, you see all that needs to happen inside of Justin's body to complete his healing and for his cells to begin to secrete all the necessary enzymes to keep his system in a pH balanced environment. Help him to make the proper choices in nutrition. Give him the appetite for grains and nuts and every good thing that will give his muscles back their strength. Let this new internal environment keep all cancer cells from multiplying. We love you Lord...thank you for healing Justin. What an awesome God You are.....

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Tuesday, April 12, 2005 8:09 PM
Justin had a healthy clinic visit today. The doctor took him down another step off of his anti-rejection medicine. Each time this happens, we have to watch him closely to see how his body will respond. He will stay at this new level for the next two weeks....and if all looks good at that point, he will be taken down another step. It is all a process and we are thankful to be at this stage of it.

The bracelets are doing well. We have been shipping them out all over the United States as far away as New York and as close as California. Tennessee and Louisiana have taken the lead. This is a result of all the motocross riders that have heard of Justin's story in these areas. These riders are supporting Justin as a fellow brother. We are truly proud to have their support. Thank you so much.

Justin continues to beg for us to take him riding. His Dad said if all looks good, he may take him on Saturday, April 23rd. This will be a big deal for our family and we will all go and watch him. He will have to take it slow and allow himself to adjust back to the bike but, for Justin even 5 minutes on the track is a dream come true.

Father,

It's as if Justin is a modern day Lazarus....You have raised him up from the grave! The thought of seeing him again out on his bike doing what he loves is more than a dream come true. You have rebuilt him and caused his body to repair itself. There are not enough words of gratitude to thank You for this display of Your Holiness and Your Power. It is by Your Hand of Grace and Mercy that Justin will ride again...and we will never stop telling the story of how You carried us through the Valley of the Shadow of Death and brought us back to the land of the living. Only You are God and we worship You....

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Wednesday, April 06, 2005 5:32 PM
Here are a couple of pictures that were taken of Justin today.

He is so ready to go riding....but his dad his holding him back because of potential fungus issues that is in dirt. He is being backed off of his anti-rejection medication. So, when he gets down a bit further.......race track here we come!

In the mean time, he is getting stronger and increasing his endurance. He continues to do his school work at home. His visit at the clinic went well....no news is good news at this point.

We appreciate all of your concern and support during this battle. We are recovering as a family right alongside of Justin. It feels good to be home and to be getting back into a normal way of life.

How are the bracelets? We need to continue to increase awareness of Justin's story. Let your churches, friends, neighbors and family know that we will ship them bracelets if they place an order. We know of two teenage boys that are right now in need of a bone marrow transplant and are looking for a donor. Let's do our part in helping them find a one.....

Father,

Thank you for the strength we see in Justin. Thank you for the healing in his body and for the recovery that our whole family is embracing. We lift up these two young men who are looking for a bone marrow donor....Lord, please help them find one.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, March 28, 2005 7:48 PM
Justin's bone marrow biopsy results declare NO leukemic cells! That is good news!

Since we have achieved day 100, the next step is to begin a gradual decline off of his anti-rejection drug. Bone marrow transplants differ from other organ transplants in that the patient is not on life-long rejection medication. The side-effects we will be watching for...is the Graft vs Host rash returning on his skin or having it present itself in the gastrointestinal tract. We are starting that today.....and should be coming down for the next 80 days or so. This is a much needed prayer request and will be ongoing for the next few months.

He is still adjusting to the decline of the steroids. In the beginning, it stimulated his appetite but, now it is having the reverse effect.....no appetite. He has 5 mg left to go to be off of them completely. That will be done gradually over the next several weeks.

In the interim please pray that Justin will maintain his hydration and be able to eat. Those are both very important and necessary for him to stay healthy.

He is still trying to do some homework but, the fatigue has been extra draining this past week. However, he had a visit from his teacher today and will be trying extra hard to get caught up a bit.

Father,

We ask that You would restore Justin's appetite and cause his body to thirst. Grant him that sweet satisfaction of meeting both of these essential needs. I pray that there will be no more presentation of Graft vs Host in his body anywhere. I ask in faith that Your favor would rest upon him as the anti-rejection drugs are slowly removed. Let this bone marrow transplant be a success. Grant Justin many years of health....

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Saturday, March 26, 2005 4:02 PM
CLICK TO ENLARGE
Today is a day to celebrate----100 days post-transplant!! Here is a picture from one of our friends Brian Budd. He is an elementary PE teacher who just so happened to be celebrating 100 days of school not too long ago. Each of the children are holding $100.00 bills (fake, of course). Thank you Brian for celebrating this huge milestone with us.

It is not coincidental that on this Easter weekend, Justin celebrates health...his body is living proof that the resurrection power of Jesus is alive today! We believe that the Lord has spared Justin and has raised him up to display His power in him.

Physically, Justin continues to gain strength. He even went to school for an afternoon this week.

Bless each of you this Easter weekend. Enjoy your family and your friends and remember how lucky we are to be alive and to enjoy health.

Father,

Thank you for letting Justin reach this milestone of 100 days. We are truly celebrating Your goodness as we look at him with our physical eyes and yet know that inside of Justin, in the place we can't see, resides the power of Your Resurrection. Thank you for allowing this marker to coincide with the celebration of Easter. Happy Resurrection Day, Lord!!

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, March 21, 2005 9:12 PM
Thank you for your encouraging words today reminding Justin and our family that your prayers were still ongoing for him. It is such an encouragement to know that others are praying for us. It is like a blanket that comforts us as we continue to step one foot in front of the other and walk out this recovery process.

Justin had his lst bone marrow biopsy at City of Hope. He was a bit concerned as this is an "adult" hospital. They do not sedate as much as he was accustomed to at Phoenix Children's. However, it all went very well. The nursing staff has now convinced him that he will be taken care of during these types of procedures.

His blood counts came back in the normal range. This is great news! To top it all off, his broviac was removed today as well. He was taken off some of his medication. So, Justin had a very successful day. All he could think about was how much closer he is to riding his dirt bike.

Day 100 is this Saturday! Wow!! It is a real milestone to reach this day.

He desperately wanted to go to school today. I can only imagine what it must feel like to want to return to his normal way of life. It takes 24 hours at least for the drugs he was given to wear off and we just don't want to expose him to any potential illnesses too soon. So we kept him home. We don't know how much longer we can hold him back.....the doctor said maybe at the end of this week. Perhaps we will start with just one class and see how he does.

Father,

Today was the first official day of Spring! We know that the change of the season brings with it new growth. We ask that new growth would continue to be seen in Justin's physical body as he continues to recover. We remember the example of the trees during the fierce winter and how they shed their leaves and give the false appearance of death. Justin has endured the intensity of a fierce winter storm. BUT GOD, spring is now upon us......how we rejoice in today's good report. Let Justin's youthfulness return to him, bring back to him stamina and endurance. Thank you for healing him Lord...we love You.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, March 14, 2005 9:52 PM
Justin is responding well to the medication to knock down the CMV virus. He will need to continue taking it for a few weeks. This medication will make his counts drop but, once we get him through this part of recovery, he will be weaned off this and many of the other medications he is taking, including part of the anti-rejection drug. At that time, we should see his counts returning to normal and his spunk too!!

He is not as tired as in previous weeks, but he is still limited in his energy levels. This will take time to recover from.

On Monday morning, March 21st...Justin will be having a bone marrow biopsy and will have his broviac removed. This will be the first biopsy he has had since the transplant. Please pray that he is free and clear on any and all leukemic cells. We will update again on that day unless something else comes up.

Father,

We are rejoicing in the recovery that Justin is having. Thank you for clearing the CMV Virus from his body. We continue to intercede for him to recover with remarkable speed and for his strength to return to him. Rejuvenate him with a double portion of strength as he sleeps. Allow his youthful vigor to return to him. We ask that his bone marrow biopsy be free and clear of leukemic cells and that Justin's new life will continue to emerge with no complications. Thank you for teaching us how to pray and to stay focused in prayer. We ask that Your will be done in Justin's young life and Lord we still have our eyes on You. Come Lord and show Yourself to be strong as Your healing power heals Justin's body.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, March 07, 2005 7:23 PM
Justin had his weekly clinic visit today. There continues to be a decline in his platelets. It appears that his body is responding positively to the CMV Virus that I described a few weeks ago.

The doctors are not surprised as they assumed it was just a matter of time for it to show up. The discrepancy between Justin's old immune system being positive for it and his donors immune system being negative for it was a collision waiting to happen.

The good news is they have caught it early...and Justin is on medication to knock it down. They have caught it so early that Justin has no symptoms. All that is happening inside his body right now, is the virus is beginning to divide into cells. Twenty-five years ago this silent division and multiplication of cells went undetected in post transplant patients. It would eventually blow up into a very serious pneumonia and often cause death. How thankful we are to be living in this time period where the knowledge of CMV is known and catching it early, removes its fatality.

The test taken earlier last week shows that Justin is now 98% his donor. That is good news. Remember today is day 81 post transplant and around March 26th (day 100) they will begin to taken Justin off of the anti-rejection drug. It will be a slow decline as well. This drug is causing other side effects that Justin must deal with. It is affecting the central nervous system and he is unable to hold his hands steady. As hard as all the side-effects are...we keep in mind that they are all temporary.

Justin did not have his broviac taken out today. The doctor wants to make sure that his body responds to this treatment first. The decrease of his steroids was minimal. He only went down 5 mg. The side-effects are severe enough to go very slow once you reach even just a few mg's a day. He is fatigued. The doctor told me it is a fatigue unlike you or I could know. It is not like working hard all day and feeling exhausted and going to bed for a good nights sleep. It is so consuming that Justin could sleep all day and still wake up feeling incredibly depleted. He is not even acting like himself. But, this too shall pass...and so we wait.

Father,

The Justin we see today is not the Justin that will climb up out of this fatigue and into a new life that You arranged for him to live. All that we see today is temporary. All of it requiring time for his new immune system to become strong. Thank You for helping the doctors keep on top of everything that could turn out of Justin's favor. They are working hand in hand with You. You created his body to defend itself with its immunity. Allow his immune system to become strong. Raise up his blood counts. Cancel the devastation of the CMV Virus. I don't think any of us can fully understand all that Justin has endured. He is one focused young man who is totally dependent on You. Reward him Lord.....greatly!

In Jesus Name,
Barb

Saturday, March 05, 2005 7:50 AM
Last week the server for our web-page was down and I'm beginning to think we lost of few bracelet orders during that time. If you placed an order for bracelets and have not received them yet please send us an email and we will check on it for you.

Justin continues to heal and recover. The decrease of steroids is a continual challenge of fatigue for him but he is almost there. On Monday he will decrease again. Also, if you could pray for Justin this Monday morning, March 7th, they will be removing the broviac from his chest. The last time they did this it came out easily. He is concerned as this broviac has been in his chest longer (since Oct. 19th). Having this removed will give Justin many more freedoms. He can swim and when stronger he can start riding his dirt bike. It is the next important step in his recovery. Justin will completely stop taking steroids on Monday, March 14th. The fatigue may last for awhile beyond that but we can direct our prayers to his ability to be resilient and bounce back. We have taken a short break from homework as his ability to concentrate seems to be affected.

His blood counts are on the low end. This will change when he is off of the steroids. Please pray that his body will continue to heal in an upward fashion. When he is low like this, he is more susceptible to other infections. God has been more than gracious to Justin and has covered him and protected him in ways that we may never fully know.

This week alone, three other young patients, have lost their lives to complications from this disease. This has deeply touched our family. More patients seem to lose than those that appear to triumph. You cannot go through something this traumatic and not be touched by the lives of others struggling right along side of you with the same thing. The pain their families are enduring have brought me to my knees for them on more than one occasion. I have had to mentally go through a process of grief and acceptance for their losses and continue our journey. I will wear an invisible lapel pin with the names of these children inscribed on it and will not forget.

Father,

I can understand how others can get stuck in the grief process. It has caused me great pain to hear of the deaths of these innocent children. We all realize that for now You have allowed Justin to continue living. Father, if You would help us, we will raise a torch for You and use Justin journey's to health as one for Your side. We will hold it loosely and will never minimize the pain that others have endured. Please raise Justin's blood counts. Please continue to allow him to heal and recover with remarkable speed. You have kept infections far from him. Thank you Lord. Grant him Your mindset as he prepares himself to have his broviac removed. Allow it to slip out with no complicatons. I pray for nurse Gail and Peggy and Julie as they tend to him during this procedure. Restore his strength and never let Justin forget that this life You have allowed him to live...should be lived out with incredible grace and compassion for others. Let him treasure each day and help him to find Your purpose in all of his suffering. Our words seem few to express gratefulness to You for allowing us the privilege of carrying Your torch for his healing.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Thursday, February 24, 2005 2:52 PM
Today is day 70 post-transplant! Each day is rolling one into the next and day 100 will be here before we know it.

Justin's clinic visit went well this week. He has tested negative for the CMV Virus. Praise the Lord!! That is good news!! Other than being quite tired and low on energy, his body is continuing the recovery process. The majority of his fatigue is due to the decrease in the steroids. Please pray that he can safely be removed from these powerful drugs soon. He can only go down so many milligrams a week until his body adjusts to that new level. This is quite an experience and fatigue is just part of the package. Justin and I both decided we will take tired over many of the other side-effects he has endured...any day! Tired is easy...just go to bed and sleep it off. But that is a bit more of a challenge for Justin mentally because his natural bent in life resembles more of the energizer bunny. He usually only sleeps when necessary.

The "I'M NOT AFRAID" bracelets are in!! For all of you who ordered bracelets over the web-page we will be mailing them out this weekend. If, for some reason, you picked yours up at school please send us an email to cancel your order.

Father,

We pray that the message of the bracelets will increase with Your favor. We are no Lance Armstrong...but, we pray that You would allow opportunities for Justin's suffering to impact many, many people in a positive way. Lord, help Your people to decide beforehand that they will not be afraid when unexpected events try to frighten them. Let them declare that with You by their side and having this enormous family of Yours to lean on, we will never face this life alone. You are more than enough. Let love permeate from our hearts for this world. Lord, You loved each and everyone of us to such an extent, that You gave Your life so that we could live. Knowing that makes me want to carry out Your message through this life You have given me to live. Thank you for bringing us to day 70. We continue to trust Your provisions for Justin. We believe that You are working behind the scenes and preparing many good things for him to come. Thank you for sparing him this CMV Virus. Thank you for not allowing fever or infection to ravage his body. We lift up his healing to Your all-seeing eye and will trust that he will be released from these steroids soon. Please Lord protect his kidneys and organs from damage of these powerful drugs. Only You are God and we worship You......be glorified in Justin's healing.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 8:14 PM
We wanted to let everyone know that Justin is doing well. He has been enduring fatigue from the decrease in his steroids. The doctors say this is normal and it will be a process to be able to safely get him off of them. They are only taking him down 10 mg a week so to have this kind of reaction signifies the power these drugs can have on the human body. We are glad to be getting him off of them. There is always that chance that the Graft vs Host disease rash can come back in the interim. We can strategize our prayers that this rash will be behind him and we can continue to move upward during this recovery time.

His blood counts have all decreased significantly. They are running tests to see if by chance Justin has what they call the CMV Virus. It is a virus that commonly shows up after a person has tested positive for the Graft vs Host disease. It is in the pneumonia family. He is showing no symptoms but the decline in his counts could possibly be this. It is all normal to see this and the doctors are not too concerned. They even graduated him to only coming in to the clinic once a week. Two-thirds of the population have this virus dormant in their bodies and have been exposed to it at some point. Before his transplant Justin tested positive for this CMV. All that means is sometime during his 14 years he was exposed to it. The problem is his donor has tested negative to it. So, there may be a disagreement inside of Justin's body. He is not quite all his donor yet...there is still some of him in there. They have sent off a test to see what percentage of his counts are him and what percentage of his counts are his donor. Soon, he should be all his donor cells if he is not already. Another specific prayer is that Justin will not have CMV and that the potential pneumonia would be kept far from him.

He also has lost a few pounds but his appetite continues to remain strong. His body is working 10x harder than yours and mine to complete this transfer of his donor cells. He is on day 62 and we keep looking forward to day 100.

He enjoyed going to church this last weekend. Pastor Kinnaman has started a new series on the cross based on a book he has just written. It was part 1 of 7. We can relate to the topic as we feel like we have been camped out at the foot of the cross for quite some time. There is something mysteriously wrapped up in suffering that is not integrated until it is experienced.

Father,

Thank you for getting us to day 62. We ask that as Justin's body does the hard work of completing this transfer of cells, that You would keep him free and clear of infection and disease. Keep the rash far from him and the potentiality of pneumonia to be kept at bay.
Help him to gain weight. Grant him strength when fatigue is all consuming. You are always His source of strength and You will continue to walk with him. When it seems too heavy for him to bear, You will carry his load. You and only You are God and there is none like You.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Friday, February 11, 2005 6:46 PM
Today is a day of remembrance! It was two years ago today that Justin was diagnosed with leukemia. I remember the striking shock as the sting of a death sentence was being poured out upon him with no ability to make it stop or control it. There was no clear indication that a future existed for him, only pain...either the pain of his impending death or the pain of having to walk this thing out with no guarantee that the treatment plan would work. BUT GOD!!!!

There is a lot to be said in that phrase, "BUT GOD!" No matter what this world throws at us...God will have the last word. This time, His last word was "Yes, and Amen!" He allowed Justin to live and not die. He rescued our family from the devastation of death. He came and walked with us through the entire journey comforting us and caring for us when the pain hurt so bad we thought our insides were coming out. He didn't shield us from the journey....He certainly could have. He could have healed Justin instantly. Should we be angry at Him because of that?

I think there are those who indeed would be angry. The displacement of our lives for two years was costly. BUT GOD!! God has had our hearts, our attention, and the depth of our prayers and He has changed and transformed us. Would I want to do it again? Absolutely not! But, I will say that I treasure the experience of having sat at the feet of our Lord. There is nothing as sweet than to be comforted by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords Himself. The message of the cross has been embedded in our spirits. All we could see was Him dying in place of Justin. Taking upon Himself this dreaded disease, and rising again victoriously.

Life may throw curve balls at us BUT GOD is more than able and willing to teach us how to swing at them sending them right back into the game of life. Curve balls can come in all different shapes and sizes. Some strike us so hard it knocks the wind right out of us...like a terminal diagnosis or the death of a marriage or the tragic death of a loved one. There are others that are smaller but, threatening just the same. They may look like a financial crisis threatening the loss of our job and home. Still others are easier to live with but annoying and frustrating just the same.....relationship balls. They come at us in every direction, every day. There is the pain of having been lied to, lied about, and deceived beyond our comprehension through what we considered to be a friend. The discovery of our spouse having an adulterous affair. The unexpected pregnancy of our teen daughter. Life is not always easy....

When these times come we can either run to the phone or we can run to the Throne.....God will have the last word for you if you let Him. All He wants is for us to trust Him unswervingly. When things don't line up or events and circumstances don't go the way we had anticipated...we can chose to remain steadfastly faithful to His promise. He said that all things would work out for our good...at some point. That timeframe is according to His appointed time. It is God's part and He doesn't need our help. He just wants us to believe Him and go about our day as though we know He is working things out for us.

As we reminisce about the last two years...the journey has been rough with many unexpected scary situations. It reminds us of the yellow brick road. It was our intended purpose to run to God for help and the journey to get there reminded us of the lion, scarecrow, and tin man's adventurous journey to reach Oz. But, here we are...and what did we do today? We registered Justin for the 10th grade. Wow!!

Father,

It is unbelievable at times to comprehend that for two years we have walked out this journey to health with Justin. You have gone before us and guided us through every place. You didn't shield us from the pain but, I know You eased a lot of it. You prevented many more numerous scenarios, that could have been, and kept them at bay. Thank You. Thank You for allowing him to live. Our lives are in Your hands. Father, even if You would have taken him home, I believe with all of my heart that You would have helped us walk through the grief and eventually helped us to find the good that would have come from it. BUT GOD You showed Yourself to be strong and more than able to bring us up from one of the worst case situations. For that Lord, I declare...Be Glorified God!! Glorify Yourself through our family! We love You...

In Jesus Name,
Barb

Thursday, February 10, 2005 2:36 PM ____Click To Enlarge
These are the new bracelets that we ordered to raise awareness for bone marrow donation. The phrase, "I'm Not Afraid," was the first thing Justin said when he was told that he had leukemia. (Click the image to see more detail). We thought a bracelet would be an appropriate place to inscribe it so that others could be encouraged to have a similar response when life throws unexpected events their way. We hope to increase the awareness for bone marrow donation especially in the collegiate arena. These young people meet the age restriction and could remain on the registry for their lifetime. If we could help save one more life....our efforts will be worth it.

These bracelets are in route to us from China. We would like everyone to have one and to pass some out to your friends. We will try to mail them to you, our prayer warriors. Please click here to e-mail Justin and request your bracelet(s). Leave us your address and how many you would like. As soon as they come in, we will mail them to you.

Justin's clinic visit today went well. His white blood cell count is 5,336. This is normal as is all of his other blood counts. They removed some of his restrictions today. He can go to church as long as he sits up in the front. He still needs to not touch doors or shake hands with others. He is very excited to get out of the house and worship God. He has much to be thankful for. They increased some of the things he can eat...which widens his choices and helps me as what I can prepare for him.

The goal is to slowly weaned him off of the steroids he has been on to settle the Graft vs Host disease down. The rash looks like it is pretty well gone. The doctor has prewarned us that each time they decrease it....Justin will feel as though he has been beat up by 5 people and run over by 5 trucks. They will start that on Monday. So, fatigue withdrawal is on the horizon and we can begin to prepare Justin through prayer. The steroids were necessary because of the rash but, to be on them for too long is not good. The reason they are waiting until Monday is the liver enzyme continues to be high. We don't think that the Graft vs Host is in his liver but, in case it is....the doctors are going to be cautious.

Philippians 3:13

"Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."

Phillipians 2: 3-11, 14-16

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus. Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to death-even death on a cross! Therefore God exalted Him to the highest place and gave Him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus, every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.......Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life-in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."

Father,

It is truly our desire to forget the past pain of this challenging experience and reach toward a healthier future with Justin and our family using what we have gone through for Your glory and for Your purposes. Father, we dedicate these bracelets to You in hopes that we will have success in creating awareness for bone marrow donation. You already see those that will need a bone marrow transplant even years from now....use our efforts to bring about success and health to those individuals. Let Justin's life be as one of these stars that shine in Your universe as he displays Your healing grace just by living day to day. We ask together that his liver be spared any damage from these drugs or Graft vs Host disease. We ask in advance, that the fatigue that awaits him will pass quickly. Resiliency resides inside of him simple because of his youthfulness. Restore to him Lord all that was taken health wise. Allow him to heal, grow new muscle tissue, and strength. Create the right balance of hormones so that he can continue to grow into the man that You envision him to be. We dedicate the life of Justin Tyler Cude to You for Your kingdom purposes.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, February 07, 2005 9:22 PM
Justin continues to thrive!! His clinic visit went well and his blood counts continue to remain in the normal range.

They are beginning to cut back on the medicine to control the Graft vs Host rash. We can pray that Justin's body will respond positively and that the rash would not come back.

His liver and kidney enzymes are high because of all the work they are doing to filter the anti-rejection drugs and the rest of the drugs he is on. These are two major organs that take a big hit from the chemotherapy and transplant process. Please pray that his liver and kidney will continue to work optimally and remain neutral. Please pray that they will filter out all the toxins and not hold on to them, creating more problems.

Father,

Thank you for each day and the healing that Justin's body continues to do. You have used science and medicine as tools to bring about his healing. Thank you for the scientists and the experiments that went on for years before Justin was ever diagnosed to bring about a regimen of drugs that could halt his leukemia. Father, there is so much You do for us behind the scenes. Thank you for circumstances and people that You send just at the right time and in the right place to bring about Your intended purposes in our lives. How I anticipate hearing from our own donor's voice why she donated her marrow to Justin and what You spoke to her perhaps years prior to prepare her for such a sacrifice. Bless her tonight Lord and her family. Father, we continue our prayer vigil for Justin and ask that order be in his liver and kidneys. Allow these two organs to function properly without strain or buildup of toxins that could cause subsequent issues even later in life. Heal Justin Lord and let him become a newly rebuilt piece of art that no one would know by examining his internal organs that he has gone through what he has gone through. Let each organ, including his heart, remain strong and full of Your anointing to carry him through this time of recovery and the rest of his life. Lord, this is day 53 since he received his new cells. March 26th will be day 100.....we continue to reach for that day with anticipation that it will be pivotal and celebratory and a true solidified turning point in his healing. We love You Lord.

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Wednesday, February 02, 2005 8:30 PM
We are happy to say that Justin continues to thrive. He is eating and gaining new strength each day. He is getting a good jump on his homework. He really wants to go back to school. We will have to see what the doctor thinks about that. Perhaps that may work out in a few months if all is still looking good.

He will be going back to the clinic for a checkup tomorrow and we will let you know the results. I found this article, written by Catherine Brown, called, "Even Now!" It relates the story of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus to what we have been talking about, standing firm in our faith through tragedy. I hope it ministers to you as it did to me.

Father,

Thank you for another day of recovery and the new strength gained in Justin. It is wonderful to have him home!!

In Jesus Name,
Barb

"EVEN NOW!"

by Catherine Brown
Gatekeepers Prayer & Mission

"Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair. So the sisters sent word to Jesus, 'Lord, the one you love is sick.'" John 11:1-3


JESUS CARES

Jesus loved Martha, Mary, and Lazarus. Twice, in just a few verses (v3, v5), we learn that Jesus cared deeply for the sisters and their brother. It's important for us to acknowledge this because, otherwise, the family's circumstances and Jesus' initial response to them might cause us some bewilderment. We can depend on the Lord's love to be our strong foundation in times of trouble. In times of desperation and devastation, we can rely completely on Jesus.


NEGLIGENCE OR KNOWLEDGE

Jesus was in close proximity to the village where Lazarus lay extremely ill. It was perfectly achievable for Jesus to go and visit Lazarus and heal him from whatever sickness or disease was afflicting him. However, despite the severity of the situation, Jesus delayed His visit to Lazarus for two days and, in the interim period, Lazarus passed away.

Without a firm underpinning of Jesus' love in our lives, God's timing and chosen method of response might seem puzzling and, perhaps initially, frightening to us.

Do we look at delay and become concerned that the Lord is somehow negligent in our circumstances? Jesus' disciples also wrestled with similar questions.

One evening, during a terrible storm, the Lord and the disciples were out in a boat on the lake. The Lord was completely exhausted and fell into a deep sleep. Meanwhile, the waves and the wind became higher and the disciples became exceedingly afraid. Still the Lord slept on, utterly spent and unable to waken.

When the Lord did not immediately awaken, the disciples cried out in terror, "Don't you care about us, Lord?" Jesus stood up, commanded the waves and the water to be still, and restored peace in the elements and peace in the hearts of His men. Both Jesus' actions and His words demonstrated the depth of His love for them and the authority given to Him by Father God.

Jesus is not neglectful; he has intimate knowledge of every detail and facet of our lives. Jesus has the words of life and knowledge that are our anchor in life's storm, which bring us out of defeat and into victorious living. When doubts and anxieties arise in our hearts, the Lord wants to reassure us and give us peace. At times like these, we just need to rest in the love of God and remember to trust Jesus. Jesus comes to us today and says to the storms that rage around us, "be still." Precious one, receive His peace.


KINGDOM PERSPECTIVE: WORD OF KNOWLEDGE

Jesus had the word of knowledge about Lazarus' life locked deep in His heart. He knew that, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's Son may be glorified through it." John 11:4

The Lord wants us to view our lives through this Kingdom perspective that, no matter what we face, He is our everlasting Father and Prince of Peace. We need to ask the Lord for His perspective in our circumstances.


WALK BY LIGHT

"Are there not twelve hours of daylight? A man who walks by day will not stumble, for he sees by this world's light. It is when he walks by night that he stumbles, for he has not light." John 11:9, 10

Life is not always sunshine and laughter. There are times when our hearts are broken by unexpected tragedy. At such times we may stumble and be in great need of God's help and healing. It is possible to become so preoccupied by circumstance that one can forget to focus fully on Jesus.

However, it is not with a rebuke, but with words of tenderness that the Lord beckons to us, calling us out from the shadow of melancholy into the glorious Light of His love. The shadows may be feelings of doubt, helplessness, hopelessness, heartbreak, or fear. They may be shadows of worthlessness, shame, pain, or loss of vision. In our weakness, we come to Jesus, in whom we find rest for our souls and hope for our hearts. We do not need to feel strong and have all or, indeed, any of the answers.

Jesus is THE answer. He is our ever present strength and shield. Jesus is compassionate towards us and loves us with an everlasting love. Jesus is with us whether we are aware of His manifest presence or not. His promise to us is that He will never leave us or forsake us -- no matter what. There is nothing in heaven or earth that can separate us from His love.

"Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up." John 11:11


EVEN NOW - MARTHA, A CHAMPION OF FAITH!

"On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home. 'Lord,' Martha said to Jesus, 'if you had been here, my brother would not have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.'" John 11:17-22


EVEN NOW!

What an incredible transition for Martha! Martha had once been disciplined by the Lord for having a wrong attitude towards Mary, who sat at the feet of Jesus, whilst Martha was busy around the house (Luke 10:38-42).

Here was Martha, now a champion of faith, being the first to make her way towards Jesus. Martha's heart was overshadowed with sorrow at the sudden death of her brother, yet she pursued the presence of Christ in her difficult circumstances. Her attitude towards Jesus was one of love and respect. She did not blame Jesus for her brother's death or look for someone to accuse. She refused to feel sorry for herself, but instead, chose to hope in Christ, being full of faith for her dead brother to be healed.

Her magnificent words, "even now," are surely a wake up call to the depths of our beings, to rise up and say "even now," Lord we will believe you for a miracle in our personal situations, whatever they may be. Even when all looks dark, as we are confronted with death and despair, as we weep with those who are suffering, will we say, "even now!" Jesus is our strong deliverer, the Resurrection, and the Life.

 

Tuesday, February 01, 2005 9:36 PM
Justin continues to thrive!! Thank you for all your words of encouragement and praises to our Father in heaven. I choose these three passages in Psalm and Proverbs to continue to the give our Lord all the glory and to learn directly from His Word what to do what trouble strikes.


Psalm 61

"Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to You, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For You have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in Your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of Your wings. For You have heard my vows, O God; You have given me the heritage of those who fear Your Name."

When I read this passage, I can almost see King David growing weary in his persistent prayer to the Lord. He doesn't understand why King Saul is pursuing him with the intent to kill. He comes to the end of his own ability to deal with the stress of it all. He asks God to "lead him to a rock that is higher than himself." I have found that place too! It is a place of stability to stand and live while all of life swirls around us.

Proverbs 18:10

"The Name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe."

Both this verse and the one above speak about a strong tower. I find this to be a real place of security. I love the way this Psalmist gets there. He runs!!! When trouble hits us, and the adrenaline kicks in to help us find the way out....those serious in their relationship to the Lord, will make this their first place of seeking refuge. It is a place where we can live and survive the harsh elements of circumstances beyond our control.

Psalm 103

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy Name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all His benefits. He forgives all my sins and heals al my diseases; He redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion. He satisfies my desires with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.....The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will He harbor His anger forever; He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His love for those who fear Him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust. As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the Lord's love is with those who fear Him, and His righteousness with their children's children---with those who keep His covenant and remember to obey His precepts. The Lord has established His throne in heaven, and His kingdom rules over all. Praise the Lord, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey His Word. Praise the Lord, all His heavenly hosts, you His servants who do His will. Praise the Lord, all His works everywhere in His dominion. Praise the Lord, O my soul."

What a beautiful love letter to us....God's creation!

Father,

Thank you for Your Word and for the strength it gives. You are and will always be a strong tower and a rock that is higher than we could ever be. Thank you for not leaving us here alone to figure life out by ourselves. (Song that we sing at our church) "Only a God like You could be worthy of our praise and all our hope and faith....to only a King of all Kings, do we bow our knee and sing and give our everything...Our Father, Our Maker, Redeemer, Restorer, Rebuilder, Rewarder ..to only a God like You...do we give our praise."

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Monday, January 31, 2005 9:00 PM
Justin's visit at the clinic was awesome! We learned that his new white blood cell count is now in the normal range at 4466. His platelet count is also in the normal range as is his red blood cell count. It has been 30 days today since the first few white blood cells showed up. You can go back and reread the update on Christmas Day. Remember the story of Elijah and the impending rain he was waiting for? We have been waiting too! On December 25th we saw a small glimpse of what we see know. Justin's body has indeed been raining all the necessary blood counts for his optimal health and recovery. Thank You Lord for all of the work You have been doing inside of Justin!!

Even though Justin's counts are up in the normal range, they are still being suppressed and not working at full strength. That is because of the anti-rejection medicine he must take for awhile. He will not be on this his whole life. After 3 months, if all is okay, the dosage will decrease and then after 6 months, if all is still okay....he may be taken off all together. What a glorious day that will be!!

As far as his rash goes...it looks a whole lot better. It is responding nicely to this treatment. But, it has had an enormous response to the prayers.

Father,

You have come in response to our prayers. You have canceled the potential damage that Graft vs Host was capable of doing. How can we thank You Lord? I feel so humbled that I just want to kneel before You in silence. Words are too few to show my gratitude. We sense Your love for us Lord...and if this world could only know You in this way....they would fall on their face too. We know You created us with a free moral choice to love You but, once Your love is experienced with such intimacy.....there is no other love on this earth that can compare to it. We are enthralled with who You are. Be glorified!

In Jesus Name,

Barb

Saturday, January 29, 2005 5:18 PM
Justin's rash seems better in the initial areas but, it has spread to new areas. The doctor told us to just keep doing what we are doing. He appears to be fine...not feverish...and he is eating and drinking. The prayer strategy is focused upon this rash, that the Lord will curtail it and not allow it to take Justin's life.

I was thinking more about the concept of "Expecting Miracles," as a natural realistic response to life's dramas. I have learned that God is not a puppet on a string to be manipulated through prayer. He is holy and in control of all things. However, we have a part of agreement with God as He works among us. If there was a door that separated heaven from this world it may look similar to one of those adjoining doors that connect two rooms in a hotel. There is a lock and a handle on each side. Our job is to get to our side of that door, unlock it, reach up for that handle and open it extending our faith to a Sovereign God. Now we have set ourselves up to receive a miracle from a holy, immovable, unshakable God. In that moment of reverence, we must trust that God's ultimate response to our request, whether it be miraculous or not, is His part. That answer will rest upon His Sovereignty, His providence, and His will. He sees our circumstance, and will come in response to our prayers but, His answer must be received with trust. A trust that will not waiver should His answer be "no" when we wanted a "yes" or "yes" when we wanted a "no." We can trust God that even when life hurts, He will help us. He provides comfort to us when we cry. He evens laughs with us when we laugh! He is not a God who is so separated from the understanding of how He created us...that He deals with us harshly. He is a God of love and if we would give him our wounded hearts and not blame Him and become embittered against Him...He will give us the strength to keeping digging into our circumstance and find the "good" that He fully intended for us to find. It is His promise..."All things WILL work out for good to those that love the Lord." In the process, our hearts will heal...and life will continue.

I share those thoughts with you which have come not only from Justin's experience but, from a life where I have had to live in painful situations and God has proven Himself to me time and time again. Most incidences I have had to wait for the Lord's response. But, He taught me to hold on to His promises and keep walking and to trust that He would bring my answer in His time. Have you ever heard the phrase..."Well, whatever happens, happens...it was just meant to be." Those words have been spoken to me on more than one occasion in a sincere attempt to bring comfort and perhaps acceptance of the severity of Justin's illness. There is some measure of truth to that...after the fact. But, before that final curtain has been drawn, I don't think we should leave things up to chance and just wish for the best.

Life is not all full of intense dramas of life and death. We can apply these truths of expecting miracles in our everyday life and begin to move out of complacency and into a life that waits for God's wonderful promises to be exalted upon our homes, our businesses, and our lives. He died for us to have it....we just have to reach up for it.

Father,

We thank You for Your great and precious promises that You died for us to thrive on. We want them Lord...all of them...Pour out upon my brothers and sisters all that You have stored up for them. Let us trust You in the good times and help us to stay quiet and diligent during the harder places in life. You will help us Lord...that is a fact. Get us to the place where we can live with unanswered questions and continue to bask in the warmth of Your love anyway. Remove the intense need to know....it is hard to grapple with that with our limited human understanding. Many times, it sets us on a path of separation from You. I have heard it said...during situations when loved ones have died after requesting Your help..they cry out to You, "Lord, where were You when my son died?" Your answer was, "In the same place I was, when mine died." We know that many others before us have not lived through this experience but, Lord, today we have our hand on that adjoining door and we continue to plead with You, to let Justin live. You have performed numerous miracles to get him to this point. Remove this rash...bring complete and total healing...give our family the opportunity to carry Your torch. We will give You all the glory and honor.

In Jesus Name,
Barb

Friday, January 28, 2005 9:38 PM
Justin's rash continues to respond to the medication. He is only bothered by the itching occasionally. James 5:17 encourages us to keep up the prayer vigil. It talks about continued heartfelt prayers of the righteous making tremendous dynamic power available. I pray that the Lord would strengthen us to never give up. Believe Him to do great things in your life....He is just waiting for His people to tenaciously trust Him and to expect miracles! A big thank you to Dana Johnston for a beautiful bracelet that says, "Expect Miracles" on it. I love it and will wear it often. After having gone through the last two years together...certainly each and every one of us can push our faith to a higher point of belief. Believe God to do great things through you and those around you....I would rather believe God for a haul and get some of it than to believe Him for nothing and get all of it.

Much of what we are doing is waiting......we are prayerfully waiting upon a Sovereign God who is and has been moving in response to our prayers. He has been healing Justin in His way and in His time. I like the way James 5: 7 reminds us how to patiently wait like the farmer. After planing his seeds, he expectantly cares for the land and waits for the precious harvest to present itself. It is never easy and there is always much work to be done before, during, and after the harvest. There is something profoundly hidden in the struggle part. The part that is hard...is the part that stretches us beyond our human capacity. It is the part where the fire of God Himself comes in response to desperation. We have been desperate...and I want to learn to stay desperate. Desperate for the intervention of God's presence in our lives and our churches, schools, and nation. Circumstances can drive us to our knees or we can chose to live there.

Father,

We want to pray desperate prayers and believe you to intervene in our world. We want to live lives that will expect miracles, signs and wonders. Here we are Lord....a group of people connected over the internet...directed by Your Hand to pray for Justin's healing. Move each and every one of us out and into the world around us...keeping this experience tucked inside our heart of faith. Help us to see what You see and to cover in prayer that which You lay on our hearts. You have shown us a much bigger picture here...Life is very little about us individually and much more about our corporate bond. There is a strength in our numbers...a vast army has been awakened....and we are ready Lord to believe You for whatever next assignment lies ahead. Until then we confirm with our mouths that Justin is healed.

In Jesus Name,
Barb

Thursday, January 27, 2005 9:12 PM
The mysterious rash has a name.....it is Graft vs Host disease. The doctors rated it a grade two. It is not in the fatal stage but, there is enough of it present to take seriously and to get under control.

So far so good. The rash does not seem to be getting worse. The treatment he is on seems to be halting its progress. We need to watch Justin carefully for fevers or any spreading of the rash into new areas. He will be going back to the clinic on Monday. They will be increasing his preventative medication to guard against fungal and airborne viruses. He can get ill from this medication to save his life. This may be taxing to his liver and other organs....so he is need of our continual prayers.

You can find out more about what Graft vs Host is by surfing the web. I'll explain it in terms unlike no other (My made up version) .... these 84 billion new baby stem cells that Justin received on Dec. 16th have been happily running through the new home of his body. The welcome mat has been out for them but only they can decide to move in for good. Everything must seem so foreign and unrecognizable to them. Perhaps I can better describe it through the eyes of a foster child who is being adopted. All the memory is there of what use to be....but given enough time, nurture, and love this child can learn to thrive in his/her new environment. Graft vs Host begins when these baby cells start moving in....just like children calling out...."I call this room"..."Why do you get the biggest room?"..."I wanted that room!"....They are actually penetrating deep into Justin's marrow but, they are finding themselves uncomfortable there. Just like the first few weeks of an adopted child. Perhaps nighttime is the hardest and the scariest to feel secure and feel like you belong. Out of fear, the T-cells in the blood are rising up and declaring "this is not our home." Perhaps in this state, they are acting out in an ornery sort of way. But, just like a loving mature adult can recognize this and extend more love until the storm has passed....so this is what the T-cells need. They need to feel like they belong so that they will settle in and settle down to protect Justin and not harm him. Just like an adopted child will build esteem and connectedness through time and experiences, so our prayers can be directed toward these lively and most powerful T-cells. They will decide whether the family